In Retrospect...

I like to occasionally set the mood for what I am about to write.  You know, give you a glimpse of what is on the other side of cyberspace writing this down.  So check it out... It is 7:15am on a Sunday morning.  I just got off work, walked into my dorm, and opened a bottle of beer. Am I can alcoholic for drinking at at 7am?  I prefer to think not.  I justify it by saying this is my "4o'clock" since I am just getting off work.  What the hell am I saying, I probably am an alcoholic.  I figure everyone needs a hobby.  Mine just happens to make me happier than yours makes you, therefore you are jealous.  Judge me if you wish but remember this, I am likely twice as happy as you tell yourself you are.  Onward to the matter at hand...

Looking back I have made a series of good and bad ideas.  (Beer at 7am?  Without question was a good idea).  Usually a few good ones followed by one incredibly bad one.  Seems to be the way the pattern typically goes.  Recently it has been fairly scattered.  Seems like more of a 1 to 1 ratio of good/bad ideas.  Lets throw a few of them out there and see how they stack up.  All within the last year.  Here goes...

Good-
- Bought the Focus.  Even though I hate it, it's been an awesome car so far. 
- Paid of debt.  Less debt = always a good idea.
- Apologized to some old friends for stuff I had done in the past.  Inner peace = always welcomed.
- Told some people how I really felt.  Some good, some bad. Firm believe of letting people know where you stand.
- Didn't talk Ellis out of the military.  I think he needs to experience life for himself.  Be good for him
- Spent 1,400$ in 20 days on concerts and good times.  Definitely a stupid decision but I wouldn't trade those 20 days for less than a few hundred grand.
- Went camping with my brother and sister when I was home last.  It's amazing what a small campout in the middle of nowhere can do the soul. 
- Found my place in life and lost it again.  It's good for me for it will keep me searching.
- Went panning for gold my with grandparents.  Never underestimate what tricks two old dogs can teach you.
- Broke off my engagement.  Worst feeling of my life, undoubtedly a good decision.  Time will prove me right.  Logic already has.

These aren't all the decisions that have been good or bad btw, these are just some of the ones I can think of right off the top of my head.  These are some of the more memorable bad ones...

- I let the person I am and the person I wanted to be fall out of alignment again.  Very bad.  Nothing good comes from that. 
- Got engaged.  Don't know, maybe we just weren't ready.  Regardless of the reason it cost us both our shirts and then some to get it all undone.
- Sold the 4Runner.  Horrible decision.  Loved that vehicle. 
- Spent time fixing someone instead of enjoying them.  Never ever ever do this.  Ever!
- Destroyed parts of my life in an effort to keep someone else life on track.
- Took people for granted.  Let people take me for granted.  Neither are good.  Neither are worse.
- Let someone else rationalize my thoughts for me instead of relying on what I know.
- Relied on what I felt > What I knew.  Never do this either.  I am going to compile a list of "Do not ever's" and that will surely be on it.
- Lost myself along the way.

Seems the past year has been uplifting and self destructive all at the same time.  More self destructive than anything else.  This year is going to be different.  I can feel it.  Not only can I feel it, I know it.  I encourage each one of you who read this to think back on some decisions you have made.  Good and bad.  Both have impacts on your life that can be positive or negative.  Even bad decisions can have positive outcomes.  Sadly, the opposite holds just as true.  Think about it and you will see that I am correct. 

Looking back on my decisions there are a few things that are abundantly clear to me now.  A few of them are...
1- Never let someone change you for the worse.  If someone can better you, by all means listen to them.  Make sure it is for the better not only in their eyes but in yours as well.  In the end they could be more blind than you are.
2- Keep things in your life that you enjoy.  People, places, things, etc.  Keep them as close as you can afford to.  Sources of happiness are hard to find.  If you have one, hang on to it.
3- Rely on knowledge.  If you don't have any, find some.  Ask questions.  Question the answers.  Do whatever it takes to figure out your own life and what path you want to take.  Those who stop looking are the ones that never find it.
4- Sometimes people have to experience things in life first hand.  No matter where you have been or what you know about the subject, some people just have to fail or succeed for themselves.  They aren't content hearing about success/failure stories.  They either want to have victory within their grasp or an epic loss to remember.  It's the only way some people learn.  Accept that you can't prevent other people from making mistakes.  A mistake is just a decision that will later turn into experience.  The same holds true for success.
5- Spend time with the people in your life that mean something to you.  Life is not a guaranteed thing.  Nobody said we would all have 100 years of good health.  Enjoy the ones you love while you can, screw everyone else.  They will realize one day that you spend to choose your time with the people you do for a reason.  If they aren't the ones you choose to spend time with, they have nobody to blame but themselves.
6- Never justify stupidity by rationalizing dumb decisions.  If someone is an idiot, tell them they are an idiot, don't make excuses for the retarded.  Same goes for you.  If you make a dumb decision, man up and say "I am an idiot"... don't make up dumb reasons why you did what you did.  Remember, if it looks like shit, and smells like shit, it probably is... shit.   Don't try to convince yourself it's badly burnt chocolate.  You will only end up regretting it in the long run. 

There are my 6 main things to remember from this blog.  I hope it made you at least think about your life and some of the decisions you have made.  Reflect on the outcomes.  I promise you that if you do this, you will learn things about yourself that you never knew.  Maybe see a side of you that you have never seen before.  Try to see yourself as others see you.  Things look different when you're on the outside looking in.

- brandon